So...this person (see previous post) called today to say (1) that he is not racist, (2) he didn't mean anything by what he said, (3) that he thought (after knowing me a month) that we could "joke" like that, and (4) he'd like me to take the post down. Oh Yea...and that I should watch what I put out on the internet...this is a small community, and people will judge me based on what I put out there etc. etc..
He stated that he didn't do what I was told via the 2nd hand story...so I will retract that...since as I mentioned...it was a 2nd hand story. However, I stand by the remainder of what I posted, since it was stated directly to me, and I will not remove it.
This is the cliff notes version of the conversation since it was a conversation I didn't care to have. I don't know one person who has made this type of comment, who didn't apologize once they're called out on it. As if the words "I'm Sorry" is a cure all.
So...Yes...He did apologize...but really...I'm disappointed that this even had to go down like this...and he is responsible for it...yet...I'm left feeling bad because this person was suppose to be my husband's friend, and this has caused a riff in their friendship, and will probably no doubt have run over. But...I will not apologize for being a Black person who will not accept "so-called" racial jokes...and for calling him out on his insensitive and immature behavior.
9 comments:
Today I watched Goodbye Bafana & cried all the way through it...disgusted by the way people were treated just because they are coloured and at the same time happy for the acts of another man...that man being the prison guard of Nelson Mandela...
Sorry to hear your news...but f**k em I say.. Kia Kaha!
idn, could he sue for slander?
Maybe what he meant by small community, take down post?
Sami: The reality is...it is not slander when you repeat what someone said to you, and it's TRUE. I did not make this up...the 2nd hand story; I recanted since it was 2nd hand...however...he stated the other things to me directly, and apologized; which is indicative of it's truthfulness.
And...why do you care if I take it down or not?
There are things which are easy to forgive and let go but there are others that are not as easy. His apology raises a question which makes it fall into the 2nd category.
Would he have apologized if you didn't put it up on your blog?
The fact that he mentioned the small community and that you should take it down raises an eye brow as well.
I don't know the guy and I don't think my opinion on him really matters. But he knows you and your husband and he should realize that his comments were hurtful.
"I didn't mean it that way" and "I was only joking" are excuses that everyone use (My wife never excepts them as excuses for the stupid things I say from time to time :/) and it is not enough or sincere. If he really wants to apologize then he should acknowledge that his comments were wrong and that he knows that they hurt you. Maybe a show of remorse for theme is also good.
A demand and a "threat" really do not help his case.
Hum, seems like he is more worried about what the internet is going to do to him! Not to you. And anyway, if your repeat an occurence honestly it isn't slander, it's fact. Now facts maybe unpleasant, but that doesn't make them any less facts.
Perhaps he really meant to be funny and is just really dumb.....
I agree with Hell Freak - the fact he mentions 'small community' and wants you to take the post down (supposedly so that people don't take you in a different light) shows he's really looking out for himself. Don't let him make you feel bad. If he really is a good friend of your husband's, he shouldn't have made those remarks about you. It's awful enough he made those ridiculous remarks to you, but that he had the cajones to say them about his friend's wife...not very respectful to his friend, either.
I agree - if you hadn't said anything, he would have kept doing this. You have nothing to feel bad about.
I don't think a racist would befriend a man with a black wife. I think he's just socially innept and uncomfortable around black people but I don't think that makes him racist. But. I could be wrong.
Hi - I'm new to your blog - got here from Susie of Arabia (whom I just adore). But I read the post on this guy and want to come out and say that not only is the dude a manipulative, idiot, racist a-hole, but he sounds a little dangerous to me... And what the hell kind of an apology includes a warning? 'You should watch what you write'? He should watch how he speaks. What a turd to put it bluntly. Loving the blog.
Cheers,
Kally
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