Why is it that some women (way too many) can not grasp the concept when a woman states, "I don't want any children" or "I don't want to have any more children". It's weird. I'm freakin 44, with a 19 year old son!! Why in the hell would I want to have another child (risking my health and my life) at this stage in my life? I'm finally free to live for me, and for what I want to do. When someone asked me this (Don't you and Roland want to have children?) again today, my response was, "no, because we have a life and don't want to be tied down with children", her response, "but your children would be so cute", then I stated, "the thought of having to travel, and I do a lot of it, with a stroller, car seat, diaper bag, and a baby in tow is a complete turnoff", her response, but "Roland would make such a good father, I had my last one at 42". Huh? Did this person even hear me? My husband doesn't want children (he has told me this directly, he reasons, the earth is already over populated) and I don't want another one. This is a life choice people. Now...I have to state this isn't something limited to me being in the KSA, but I do think it's cultural, since I've had this same question asked again and again by African women in the states. One even told me...I'm suppose to have 5 more children. I think she was joking, but half serious, since she had 5 kids ( i think) herself. 6 freakin kids!!! Coming out of this Uterus?!!! I don't think so.
Puleese...I think some of these women just, "hate me for my freedom". LOL.
Listen people, just because I have a Uterus, does not mean I must breed.
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Maybe it's a religious thing. You know Mormons believe the only reason to have a husband and do your thang is so you can procreate. I know it's twisted. Maybe the people you've been talking to are religious and think that way too? I've thought many times about forgoing kids so I could travel the world. I'm actually like 50/50 on it, but Sid really wants them. I think you're lucky Roland doesn't want them. You have so many fabulous trips ahead of you and nothing to tie you down except his job.
Yea...it could be a religious thing...but I didn't go there, since you know how I feel about religion.
Roland forwarded me a news article once about how (in the states) couples are forgoing having kids. He did this to say "see, it's not just me". I needed that because I told his ass...I don't want you coming at me down the road resentful. And, once that was no longer an issue, we could both exhale. And, this week...I was a few days late...girl...I was starting to panic...because I swear if I get pregnant I will cry, cry, cry, and then I'll want to die. Seriously. I would then know my life is over as I know it.
And, I should tell you...if you guys are going to have kids...wait no longer. The longer you wait...the older you're going to be, having to deal with "kid stuff". I was 24 when I had Henry, and look at me now, I'm 44, fabulous, free (even though you're a mother for life), and loving life. LOL!!
Do you really want to be dealing with a teenager in your 50's. I think not.
BTW: Thanks for commenting on my blog. And, it appears I'm going to be forced (I'll tell you about that later) to go on Facebook. Gawd!! Just one more thing for me to keep up with.
I'm not the one to talk about "Uterus & Breed" but I know how annoying it is when people keep bugging you about having kids. As a Saudi I'm expected to have kids immediately after the wedding. If you decide to wait till you think you are ready people will start thinking something is wrong with you.
I mean how hard is it for people to understand that even after 1 year of getting hitched you are just not ready to have kids.
Hello Hell,
Yea...It can be frustrating. Especially if you and your new wife just want to enjoy your time together. And, if you're both young in your 20's, why rush? Once a couple has children, they go from being a couple (two loving people) to being parents. And, I love the hell freak (lol - sometimes it's hell-like when he's talking crap back to the teacher and I have to take time off from work and go up to the school; and sometimes I'd wonder, is this kid a freak?!-why do the homework and not turn it in?!!) out of my son. However, once I had him, he came first (for example, my 45 minute baths went out the door)...and if you're doing your job as a parent, that is how it should be, also children have a way of making themselves come first. And, in the states, we typically do not have extended family on our back doors or nannies, so it's all on you.
But...to be fair...Henry was a pretty good kid (decent grades, no drugs, etc.), he was cute as heck, and has grown into a handsome young man that I am truly proud of. So...
Last year I had my 4th and last child and it was my 4th and last C-Sec. When I woke up the doctor informed me that he had made a medical emergency decision and tied my tubes. I wish I could find a carton image to show you my thoughts (just insert sinister smile). I was secretly so happy! I love my kids with all my heart and they are my life but I can not wait to have more to life than well...
Anyway, I get your drift.
Have you got your hair done yet? Find the MAC store?
UmmAdam...are you saying they tied your tubes without your permission?
My 3rd C-sec was very complicated. The baby and I almost didn't make it. When they opened me up the doctor could not get the baby out because my uterus, abdominal wall, and bladder had fused from the adhesion of my two previous c-secs. Alhamduillah, they were able to safely get the baby out and put humpty dumpty togther again after a 4 hour repair job.
when I came to schedule my 4th c-sec the head obgy surgeon who was called in when the doctor was having complications, saw me and expressed his disappointment in me being pregnant again. He said that he thought he had told me not to have more kids but since it was an emergency he had not had time to gt my permission for a sec before they put me under for the repair job.
He advised me to get my tubes tied. My dh refused to sign the consent forms and he told us that ultiumately it would be up to his discretion once he was able to see the condition of the womb. wel this time it was worse than the last because now my bowels were stuck with the bladder, uterus, and abdominal wall. He said he had a hard time reachng the baby and the tubes but that he feared if he did not tie the tubes then I would get pregnant again and this time it could be fatal. I was secretly pleased with his decision. it took the pressure off of me on when to stop having kids.
As far as I know in Islam birth control is not advised. However if their are health concerns then it's advisable to take precautions.
Oh my dear, I can so relate. There is actually several good articles out there about "breeding" and the negative impact it has on all the children (which increases with each subsequent child). I've had people ask me the same thing about my huz, "Doesn't he want his own child?".... um... he's been doing the dad thing since she was one, I would say she is pretty much his child.
I can't wait to be "free" at 40! Whoo hoo, I will be making travel plans with you!
Haha I must say I love your posts :P and Roland's reasons for not wanting kids is soo Swedish :). I have heard many Swedes say this and I can agree with him. I don't see why it bother people so much when other people don't want kids...puzzles me.
Wow ummadam; that's EXACTLY what my doctor said I'll have to watch out for - I can only have c-sections now because my pelvic bone is too small. She said around 3 births it starts to get a bit risky.
lol- Terri, I totally love this post and I'm sorry for all the grief you get. A friend of mine (Vietnamese)is the same way, but she won't even get married because of all the stress and questions she would get about family! Kinda' sad people give so much pressure...
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